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Chuck E Cheese To Go Cheaper, Dirtier According to The Onion [PARODY]

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It’s easy to mock Chuck E Cheese for being gross and grimy, but is that just because we know better now or because we’ve gotten too old to not care?

A couple of days ago, satirical news site The Onion ran a story on how “America’s best value in family-friendly fun” had announced a new steep price decrease would be off-set by “a chain-wide lowering of hygiene standards.” This would include everything from requiring kids to sign waivers before touching any of the arcade games to giving the bathrooms just “one quick swab” at the end of the day. Like most Onion stories, it’s funny because it’s probably true, though the piece did make me miss the good old days of taking off my light-up sneakers and rolling around the ball pit. Who could forget the feeling of shiny, sweaty plastic beneath our fingers, the joy of button-mashing the TMNT and The Simpsons games after some other kid had just sneezed on them?

Goodness knows Chuck E Cheese was probably just as yucky back in the ‘90s. It’s just too bad caring about our health and hygiene is suddenly “in.”

Check out the full article for yourself at The Onion.

By Dominique Zamora

Dominique would be a foodie if she had money to pay for food. For now, she gets by just looking at food photography, which results in at least one more starving journalism student every time Instagram breaks down.

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