Packaged Food

Cheez-It Weaponry — Woman Hospitalized After Being Attacked With Cheese Crackers

Happy Monday, here’s the story of how a wife was hospitalized after her husband attacked her with Cheez-Its.

We’ve all been there. Your spouse/significant other ditches you on Earth Day for some lame concert – leaving you home alone with the baby and the dog. Then your favorite sports team loses. By the largest margin in sports history.

And when that person comes back with a big grin on their face after you’ve been put through hell, you try to stop yourself from grabbing that emergency Cheez-It box duct taped under the dinner table. But you just can’t stop yourself. Don’t worry, apparently you’re not the only one using Cheez-It crackers as ninja stars.

Palm Bay, Florida resident Andy Gatz (really, a last name like that and you didn’t use a gun?) confronted his wife about the concert and sent a cracker straight into her right eye, sending her to the hospital.

First of all, if that’s what he meant to do – congratulations on being one of the top cracker-throwers of all time. Although, I would like to know the distance of the throw first before considering admittance to the cracker hall of fame. Secondly, I wonder if Gatz meant to throw Cheez-Its, or if the box was the object right next to him when his top blew off. Whatever the case maybe, stay tuned for the follow up story that hopefully is titled: Divorced Cheez-It Thrower Charged With Assault and Battery.

(Thx HuffPo)


By Geoff Kutnick

Geoffrey Kutnick is the King of Soft Serve. Been placing ice cream in soup bowls at the buffet since '87.

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