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Celebrating Fourth of July: Expectations vs. Reality

smores

Independence Day in America is one of those rare holidays that doesn’t seem to exist just to make people buy things. Sure, you’ve got all the fireworks kiosks. And yes, they don’t just give away all that patriotic tablewear and those hot dogs and grilling utensils for free. But mostly it’s about eating well, sitting back and enjoying each other’s company. Except when it’s about burning in the summer sun. Or suffering from food poisoning. Or being too hungover to work because this stupid holiday just had to fall on a weekday.

Ah well, at least we have the freedom to gripe about it together. ‘MURICA.

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Expectation: Throwing a cool, outdoor barbecue in the shade

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Picthx: Pinterest

Reality: Just stepping outside feels like burning

Alternative: Having it at the beach and being gloomy as f@#k

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Expectation: Having time to make lots of cute, USA-themed snacks

Picthx: Apollinas

Reality: Barely having enough time to buy groceries

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Expectation: Enjoying a nice, stress-free potluck with friends and family

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Picthx: Chella’s Common Cents

Reality: No one brings anything but booze and utensils, forcing you to whip up something last minute

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Expectation: Sticking to your summer diet

Reality: Parking your butt at the dessert table

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Expectation: Lighting the grill on the first try

Reality: UGH WHY MUST YOU BE SO DIFFICULT?!

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Expectation: Finally getting to nom on all the delicious grilled grub

Reality: Waiting. Lots of waiting. Probably some food poisoning when you get tired of waiting.

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Expectation: Washing everything down with a sweet, cool, delicious ice cream

Reality: Staring at a great big puddle of melted cow tears

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Expectation: It’s a classy summer party, time to break out the sparkling whites and rosés‎!

Reality: PBR for days

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Expectation: Toasting the perfect s’more

Reality: Ending up with a pile of burnt messy goop

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Can you even call those s’mores anymore?

Picthx: Chocolate Moosey

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Expectations: Kicking off the night with beautiful fireworks

Reality: Too cloudy to see ANYTHING

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Expectations: Being totally able to function at work tomorrow

Reality:

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Expectations: Spending the day filled with the love of your country

Reality: ‘MURICA F@#K YEAHHH”

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Happy 4th of July everybody!

H/T Giphy

By Dominique Zamora

Dominique would be a foodie if she had money to pay for food. For now, she gets by just looking at food photography, which results in at least one more starving journalism student every time Instagram breaks down.

2 replies on “Celebrating Fourth of July: Expectations vs. Reality”

No shit – you *know* July 4th is coming, you know when it is – nobody has ever heard of *planning ahead* or sending around a list of what everybody is bringing to the pot luck, or assigning people something specific to bring so you don’t end up with a table of chips and dips and booze? Nobody ever checks the weather to plan for putting up a cheap 10×20 plastic tent for shade, getting a lawn sprinkler to make a cooling spray? Charcoal in a bag that is easy to light [you light a corner of the bag and the bricks are soaked in some sort of lighter fluid as well – stuff pretty much lights within 5 minutes.]

Planning a picnic that happens every freaking year is not rocket science guys – you get a whole year between picnics to plan and organize. Sheesh.

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