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Crunchgate: Cap’n Crunch Makes National Headlines, Insists He is Not a Liar & a Fraud

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Dear Foodbeast Readers,

Apparently, we’ve caused a national outrage that some have deemed “the greatest controversy in recorded history.” When we broke the news that Cap’n Crunch is a Liar and a Fraudreaders were both heartbroken and shocked that we had the audacity to utter such blasphemy.

While others were simply delighted

As you read this, you’re probably thinking, “All of this fuss and tears over a jolly bearded man in a Halloween costume?” Our answer: This is the internet, purveyor of serious sh*t. At least, serious enough to land the story and cause a plethora of temper tantrums on Huffpo, CNNGawker and the National Post (check the comment sections, they’re great).

While we initially lamented over the discovery that the Cap’n was a commander and not the “captain” he claimed to be, many were quick to point out that anyone in command of a ship and crew, regardless of their rank, is considered a “Captain.”

That being said, we apologize for not consulting America’s beloved cereal icon first. Who knew that a two-dimensional cartoon character could cause such a monumental controversy? Luckily, Cap’n Crunch himself reached out to us to set things straight.

No worries, Cap’n, we’ve still got mad love for ya — even if you do shred the roofs of our mouths to fleshy bits.

Cheers,

Charisma

Unapologetic Leafs Fan & Lucky Charms Enthusiast

By Charisma Madarang

Charisma has an undying love for gritty literature and drinks coffee like water. She also hails from Toronto, Canada and is a die-hard Maple Leafs fan, sigh.

4 replies on “Crunchgate: Cap’n Crunch Makes National Headlines, Insists He is Not a Liar & a Fraud”

Cap’n Crunch is actually a captain from the pre-Civil War era. This is obviously the time period that the captain is meant to portray, according to his ship and attire. Note the Cocked Hat and epaulets that were worn during the 19th century and are not seen on modern captain uniforms. In the 1850s, only three stripes indicated a ranking of captain and commanders wore two stripes. So Cap’n Crunch is not at all a fraud.
This information is referenced from my dad, a retired Navy captain who collects civil war memorabilia, and the book Uniforms of the Sea Services; A Pictorial History by Colonel Robert H. Rankin USMC.
Look it up.

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