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Translating Budweiser’s Super Bowl Ad for Craft Beer Lovers and Haters

Somehow, Budweiser ran an ad during the Super Bowl that upset just about every beer drinker with half a brain. The 60-second, $9 million dollar spot was dedicated to making craft beer drinkers feel silly while simultaneously treating Budweiser lovers like idiots.

“Proudly a macro beer.”

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Craft beer consumers: No one cares about your microbrews with their creative flavors that are cultivating a diverse marketplace.

Budweiser consumers: Hey, you know that word “micro” you sometimes hear thrown around when people are talking about craft beer? We’re the opposite of that. Stick with us because bigger is always better.

“It’s not brewed to be fussed over.”

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Craft beer consumers: You’re such a dork, sniffing out the different flavors that went into creating your beer. Who needs their beer to evoke a rich, sensory experience?

Budweiser consumers: Don’t you dare smell your Budweiser. There’s literally no point. Just guzzle it down and don’t ask questions. We gave it a “crisp and smooth finish” so you wouldn’t have to taste it if you didn’t really want to.

*The following photoset ran on Anheuser-Busch’s Facebook page in October 2014 with the caption “See, Sip, Swirl and Sniff your way to a perfect beer.”*

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“This is the only beer Beechwood-aged.”

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Craft beer consumers: I know we’ve been mean to you thus far, but look, we totally care about quality when we brew our beer.

Budweiser consumers: You probably don’t know exactly what this means or entails, but we bet you’re impressed!

“It’s brewed for drinking, not dissecting.”

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Craft beer consumers: You spend so damn long drinking and enjoying your craft beer. Stop trying to do that with us, you hipster pansies!

Budweiser consumers: You’ll be a hipster pansy if you attempt to enjoy the act of drinking. Step away from the mustache wax and grab a Bud.

“The people who drink our beer are people who like to drink beer brewed the hard way.”

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Craft beer & Budweiser consumers: Budweiser is clearly for masculine, manly men who don’t need taste at the end of a long day, just chug-able alcohol.

“Let them sip their pumpkin peach ale.”

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Craft beer consumers: We know you know we bought one of the most popular craft pumpkin beer brewers in the country, but shut up about it with your dumb taster flight.

Budweiser consumers: We would never ever make some fruity, girly beer like this. No need to read any press releases about it.

“We’ll be brewing us some golden suds.”

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Craft beer consumers: Ugh. You and your gradient of colors and flavors can just suck it. Basic pumpkin-loving bitches.

Budweiser consumers: There are no golden craft beers in existence, trust us.

“This is the famous Budweiser beer.”

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Craft beer consumers: COME AT US AND OUR MARKETING TEAM, BRO!

Budweiser consumers: We know you don’t like change. Neither do we. Friends?

Here’s the full ad in all its stupidity:

Let’s get real, this ad is bigger than craft beer vs. macro beer. It heavily exploits fear of new products, especially from conservatives, and the flawed, dichotomous perception of masculinity.

The ad is a scare tactic, from start to finish. It encourages people to not support local breweries as it launches an assault on the masculinity of anyone who continues to support such establishments, all in the name of one brand being superior to a collective of thousands of microbrewers.

Did you buy into the bullshit golden suds?

By J. Fergus

J. is an overbearing pizza snob who loves putting as much sugar as possible in cupcakes and coffee. They eagerly awaits diabetes.

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