Categories
Culture Hit-Or-Miss Tastemade/Snapchat

8 Things You Didn’t Know About Turkey

Thanksgiving dinner is such a renowned assembly of food that the holiday literally revolves around the meal itself, dating back to the first one shared between the Pilgrims and Native Americans in 1621.

The main course of this vast and glorious meal for virtually every household in America is the turkey, or as many so lovingly call it, “the butterball.” Most people know whether they prefer the tough, gritty white meat or the tender, juicier dark meat. In light of what we do know, let’s unearth some new facts about America’s tastiest bird.

 

The Wild Turkey Can Fly At Speeds Of Up To 55 MPH

tom-turkey-attacking-siegfried-by-siegfried-matull

Photo: Mendonoma Sightings

Wobbling around on the ground most of the time, turkeys give people the impression that they can’t fly at all. Wild turkeys have been clocked at speeds close to 55 m.p.h. when flying for short bursts — much to everyone’s surprise — usually to avoid predators. Domestic turkeys, on the other hand, fly slower due to their larger and meatier size.

 

The Long, Fleshy Protrusion Above A Male Turkey’s Beak Is Called A Snood

turkey

Photo: Ripley’s Believe it or Not! 

This rubbery caruncle is normally flaccid and small, but, during courtship rituals, is pumped with blood and grows two to three times in size. Female turkeys have been known to only gravitate towards the males with the longer, more erect snoods. Does this remind you of any other species?

 

Male Turkeys Can Change The Color Of Their Heads

turkey_bg_06

Photo: Pinterest

When angered or aggravated, these bulbous birds will change the bare skin on their heads to a vibrant red hue. When feeling calm, their heads turn white, while a more passive attitude yields some sort of combination of blue and white.

 

Male Turkeys Are Called “Toms” While Female Turkeys Are Called “Hens”

1202973_1280x720

Photo: ABC 7 

The name “tom” stems from “tomcat,” a term used to describe a wild man that often enjoys the company of multiple females, much like the wild turkey. Since turkeys are obviously not cats, the phrase was shortened simply to “tom.” Juvenile males are also known as “jakes,” while the young female turkeys are known as “jennys.”

 

Every Turkey Has Its Own Distinct Voice

5596147125_a84cae0515_b

Photo: Arlene Kozlol

Part of the mating process is attributed to the tom’s ability to “gobble” loudly enough to both attract the hens and dissuade other males. This sound, loud enough to travel a mile in every direction, is then usually responded to with a “yelp” from the hens in order to signify their locations to the males. Overall, turkeys can make roughly 20 different and distinguishable vocalizations in order to convey their messages.

 

Benjamin Franklin Wanted The Turkey To Be The American Symbol Rather Than The Bald Eagle

benandtom

Photo: Jules Catering

“He is a bird of bad moral character,” Franklin wrote, regarding the bald eagle, in a 1784 letter to his daughter “He does not get his living honestly.”

He goes on to give the turkey a backhanded compliment: “He is besides, though a little vain and silly, a bird of courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards…”

 

The Average Turkey Has 5,000 To 6,000 Feathers

5596144437_dbc38c996f_b

Photo: Arlene Kozlol

For comparison, the average bird has anywhere from 1,000 to 2,000 feathers. The Tundra swan boasts the most feathers out of any bird at a whopping 25,000. The toms have about 18 feathers that are much longer than the others which make up its vibrant fan.

 

About 280 Million Turkeys Are Sold Annually For Thanksgiving

19wealth-jumbo

Photo: The New York Times

That is a ton of turkey, considering there are 319 million people in America. Close to 91 percent of Americans have turkey on the table for Thanksgiving dinner, accounting for seven billion pounds of it being consumed. In monetary terms, this translates to three billion dollars worth of sales.

Categories
Features Hit-Or-Miss Humor Products

My Soup Date With Rams Running Back Todd Gurley [WATCH]

TIL that Todd Gurley loves pork chops. Like, a lot.

Being an enormous athlete in both size and notoriety requires a strictly adhered to schedule: wake up, eat, work out, eat, press conference, eat, work out again, eat, sign some memorabilia, shoot a commercial, eat, sleep, rinse, wash, repeat. It’s no different for Todd Gurley.

screen-shot-2016-10-24-at-3-02-13-pm

One is an athlete, one is sucking his gut in for the picture. Can you tell which is which?

On the outside is a huge, lumbering man with biceps as thick and round as a Ming Dynasty vase and a back as wide as one of those tables in boardroom meetings where the CEO asks Johnson to update everyone on the quarterly earnings report. Suffice it to say, Todd is at the peak of human physical conditioning.

Campbell's Chunky Soup Todd Gurley Press Day

So, how does one get to be so large? Two words… pork chops.

Drafted 10th overall by the (then) St. Louis Rams in the 2015 NFL Draft, Gurley continues to be a dominant force in the NFL, remaining as one of the last true workhorse backs. The stud athlete also has his fair share of endorsements, the most notable one being Campbell’s Soup.

Fantasy Football has become a staple in nearly every home nowadays, but Campbell’s wanted to give the players in the NFL a chance to see what it’s like on the other side. Enter the Everyman All-Star League! Finally, players get to gather around and draft regular dudes like me and you for their own fantasy draft. Outside of the obviously funny premise for the campaign, the Everyman All-Star League also features a way to win tickets to the next Superbowl. Who wouldn’t love that?

I recently got to sit down with the superstar running back during an interview hosted by Campbell’s and picked his brain about his favorite foods, what he can cook, and what his mama was feeding him to make him that big, all while enjoying a bowl of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup, because why the hell not? If I ever say no to free soup, go ahead and shoot me. On top of that, I learned that pork chops are maybe the only thing he eats. Seriously, dude LOVES his pork chops.

Check out my interview with Todd Gurley below to learn more about his thoughts on Harambe, the Seattle Seahawks, and who he would draft first overall in the Everyman All-Star League!

Categories
Humor Opinion

This Is What Happens When A Bro Goes Wine Tasting With A Pro

I’m a party boy. I love getting drunk and playing cornhole and roughhousing with friends, just being generally loud and obnoxious. I think of those times as “beer drunk.” Other times, I’ll get “liquor drunk,” where I insist that everyone talks about how much they hate their fathers and we take turns puking in shrubbery. The one kind of “drunk” that continues to elude me, however, is “wine drunk.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been drunk off of wine before, but not very often at all. Usually it’s just at weddings where the bride and groom are too cheap to get hard alcohol, so they stick to beer and wine. Even then, I’m drinking more beer than wine.

Still, I’ve been told countless times that “wine drunk” is the best one, and not just by groups of unruly women preparing to watch the season finale of The Bachelor. So, I decided it was time to go do the one thing I’ve (surprisingly) still never done: wine tasting.

My friend Brianna, who’s had the UTMOST pleasure of knowing me for 15+ years now, was the first person to come to mind as my partner for this endeavor. Not only does she know more about wine than anyone else I know, but she also writes for and runs one of the best wine blogs I’ve come across in my line of work, which is saying a lot. Brianna has a knack for seeking out the hidden gems, making the perfect wine/snack pairings and, above all else, having fun doing what she loves. That is what matters, right?

And so, my day begins after I receive a text from Brian saying she is five minutes away.

9:13 – I’m ready and waiting for Brian to pick me up. Her full name is Brianna, but I call her Brian because women named Brian are funny. There’s a Redd’s Apple Ale and a Miller High Life in the fridge, both widely considered to be cold, frosty feces. I drink them both anyways.

Drinks in – 2

9:33 – I get a text from Brian saying she’s here. The text also says she brought her mom. I am both surprised and aroused at the idea. I welcome Mrs. Brian’s mom.

9:34-9:57 – We discuss life and how things have been going, yada yada yada. Neither Brianna nor her mother have noticed my Jeff Goldblum shirt yet. For some reason, this infuriates me. I press on, for the sake of wine and wine enthusiasts worldwide. But seriously, it’s freaking Goldblum. Grow up, ladies.

10:06Honig/2014 Sauvignon Blanc – I try my first wine. It tastes like Colgate. Brian assures me the third sip is the best one, as you’re supposed to try each serving 3 times: first and second sip to coat the inside of your mouth with the wine and the third sip to actually get a taste for it. I also forgot that I brushed my teeth after chugging the beers, hence why the wine tastes like toothpaste.

IMG_3475

Drinks in – 3

10:10 – I farted.

10:11 – Neither Brian nor her mother have noticed. Then again, they’re eating pastrami sandwiches drenched in the vile nectar of pickles. They’ve forfeited their rights to smelling things today. Lucky for them too, because I’m being strangled to death by whatever ghoulish entity just snuck out of my ass and is now haunting the good people of this winery.

10:13Italo Cescon Artigiano Del Vino/2015 Pinot Grigio – Brian asked me to tell her what I taste in the wine. I told her they all smell the same to me. She chokes down the urge to slap me and instead insists that I try again. I said it tasted watery, and she lost her shit. “Yes, Sean! Exactly! Italian wines often taste a little more watery to those of us more accustomed to big, bold reds, like Cabs. You nailed it!” Of course I nailed it. I nail EVERYTHING, I am the Wilt Chamberlain of alcoholic accomplishments.

Drinks in – 4

10:21 – They still haven’t noticed Goldblum. WTF is wrong with these noobs? I’m pretty steamed at this point.

IMG_3482

10:25Cairdean Vineyards/2012 California Riesling – this one is very sweet. I discovered that I like sweet whites. I make a joke about liking my women like I like my wine. Brian, being a sweet, white woman, laughs at my joke because she’s learned to tolerate me with the best of them.

10:37 – After deliberating with her lovely (and I mean lovely) mother on what’s next, Brian brings me three different white wines. She sits there and patiently explains them all to me. I drink all three and they taste exactly the same. She then points out what was different in each one, upon which I realized that… oh, they still taste the same. White wine is for lil bitches.

IMG_3472

IMG_3481

Drinks in – 8

10:45 – My world is starting to spin a bit. Brian’s words fall on deaf ears, bless her heart. Still, she’s here to do a job, and she’s the kind of person that will stick around until the job is done, even if the job requires her to babysit a large, loud, drunk, amazing, admirable man with remarkably soft hands and a penchant for line dancing. Is it weird that I’m falling in love with myself just writing this? Naaaaah.

10:47 – Brian’s sister keeps calling to ask stupid questions. I keep answering and giving her stupid answers, because it bothers her and entertains me. Also, she once took my hot dog directly out of my hand and stared at me while she ate it. We hate Nichola.

image1

10:49 – Brian continues to tell me what kinds of wine I’m trying. Unfortunately, I stopped listening three Rieslings ago because the homely looking woman working at the deli is starting to give off some serious “sex my body parts” vibes. One minute baby girl, I’ll roast your beef sandwich once I’m done being the best at wine things. Goldblum is yet to be appreciated, I still boil with fury on the inside. If Goldblum were here right now, he’d be SO offended.

Drinks in – 9

10:56 – Brian retrieves three more glasses of wine, all of them red. The first one she hands me is a Pinot Noir. Brian informs me that I am supposed to go from lighter to heavier, but I’m a drunk ass, so rules get thrown out of the window. I swap sexy glances with the unlovely girl at the deli counter, then make my way towards her, walking slightly slower than normal so as to intensify the already intense sexual pressure in the room. I reach the counter and see her cheeks go rosy while she withdraws into herself, rocking ever so slightly in such an innocent way. I lean in closely, slowly, and with a cracked, crooked smile, I say, “Let me get the French dip please, and leave the pickle out of this. I swear to God, Ronni, if I see a pickle touching my sandwich, I will set your dog on fire.”

IMG_3485

11:01 – Ronni’s dog lives to see another day, which is unfortunate for the rest of us, since she has an English terrier and those things look like deformed feet. Furthermore, any love between Ronni and I is lost forever now. I don’t have time for women and love, friggin’ Ron. There are wines that need to be drankded. Still, at least the Ronster noticed Goldblum, friggin’ Brian and friggin’ Brian’s mom. Alright, back to the grape pee.

Drinks in – 10

IMG_3483

11:02 – I take a sip of the Merlot and then try to describe it to Brian. Every answer I’ve come up with, throughout the entire day, has apparently been wrong, except for my declaration of watery Italians. It’s at this point that I realize that, alas, I can never be a wine connoisseur like Brian. My taste buds are too simple, there are only ever two options: good and not good. So far, everything I’ve tried, on average, is pretty good (ok fine, three options, shut up). Brian’s mom is making sure no shitty wines are chosen. She is the hero I need but don’t deserve.

11:04

Drinks in – 11

11:07 – I’ve gotten to the point where chugging wine seems to be the only reasonable option. I mean, it’s 11 AM. We’re basically the only people here right now. Even Ronni is looking at me going, “He’s probably breathtakingly talented in bed, but he sure is a slow drinker.” Oh yeah, Ronni?  I’ll show you, you dick.

11:08 – I am now chugging my last wine of the day. Brian doesn’t even bother trying to teach me about it, she knows it’s a lost cause at this point. I start loudly proclaiming to everyone there that, “I’m a Somalian! Ask me anything about wine, I know it all. What? Somalia? No, I don’t know anything about Somalia, why? Is that one of Obama’s daughters or something?”

11:09 – Still no word on my Goldblum shirt. I even took a picture with Brian and she still has no idea. I’m honestly so done with these people.

IMG_3490

Final drink count – 12

11:12 – We reach the end of our journey. I would stay and continue drinking, but I have shit to do today. Stranger Things isn’t gonna get super baked, make some cookies, and binge watch itself. As we walk out of OC Wine Mart, I stop in my tracks and look back at Ronni. I crease my eyebrows, stare directly into her eyes and I mouth, “YOU did this.” She knows what she did. I don’t, at all, because I’m drunk and making no sense at this point, but she knows.

 

Follow Brianna on Instagram at @brisglassofwine for dope pairings and honest reviews, and don’t forget to check out her blog at www.brisglassofwine.com. If you’re a wine enthusiast, I assure you, you won’t be disappointed.

If you ever read about the time I got drunk at work and got away with it, you probably realize by now that there’s a trend forming: I get drunk in peculiar ways or places then write about it. Who knows where I’ll end up next?

Categories
Products

Summer Just Got A Lot Cooler With These Frozen Vodka Pops

As most people know, hard alcohol is a very difficult thing to freeze, especially when using commercial freezers. A lot of people keep their hard alcohol in the freezer simply to make it a little thicker and cooler, making it easier to take shots of.

One fairly new UK company has not only found a way to freeze it (albeit in a small amount), but they also flavored it and put it in a sleeve. This wonderful company (known as Icycl) has just virtually created the alcoholic counterpart to Otter Pops. Let that sink in.

Screen Shot 2016-08-03 at 2.33.06 PM

Screen Shot 2016-08-03 at 2.30.50 PM

When it comes to the target demographic, the brand makes it pretty clear: party people. The Icycl vodka pops were made to be enjoyed with music around, specifically EDM, and the photos accompanying the product make that abundantly evident.

Screen Shot 2016-08-03 at 2.28.09 PM

With a 6.4% ABV for each sleeve, you will actually be able to get drunk just by eating these and never actually drinking. Each box comes with six sleeves – two apple, two blackcurrant and two lemon & lime flavors. All you have to do is throw them in the freezer for a few hours and enjoy!

These Icycl Pops can be found on Firebox for $18.19 plus tax, a small price to pay for being the coolest person at any pool party this season.

Just don’t let your kids mistake them for actual Otter Pops.

Categories
Celebrity Grub Humor

Guy Singing Matisyahu Song In Coffee Shop Is Surprised By Matisyahu [WATCH]

We’ve all seen those celebrity prank shows where they’ll do something like enter their own look-a-like contest, or Jewel puts on a fat suit and goes to a karaoke bar to sing her own songs. We love these videos because it humanizes our idols and it makes us feel like they really are one of us.

Well, one lucky guy got the coffee break story of a lifetime when he began singing an impromptu Matisyahu song at a local coffee shop in Maui, Hawaii.

Matisyahu was in town for the Mayjah Rayjah music festival held in Maui, and decided to unwind and relax at the little spot. It came as a pleasant surprise to Kekoa Alama, the man in the background with the ukulele, when a random dude got up at the front of the coffee shop and started signing along with

Some time into the song, Matisyahu joined in on the revelry, drawing a smile of approval from Alama. It wasn’t until after the song had finished that Alama discovered who this sugar-voiced stranger was.

“Yo, you got a beautiful voice man,” said Alama to the tall, smiling songster.

“You know who wrote that song?” asks Matisyahu.

“Matisyahu?” says Alama, at which point Matisyahu poked his own chest with his finger.

“Na…for real?”

“I’m Matisyahu.”

“Oh Jesus, what’s up man?! You look a little different!”

Honestly, I had no idea what Matisyahu looked like before watching this video, so don’t feel so bad if you were also confused until the end, especially since it almost seems like Alama knows more of the words than Matisyahu did.

Check out the heartwarming video below.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss Humor

Miscommunication Leads To This Hilarious Graduation Cake F*** Up

I can’t begin to tell you how many hilarious pictures of messed up cakes I’ve seen over the years, and every single one of them resulting from some form of miscommunication, from somebody’s cake saying, “Congratulations (in smaller letters)” on it to “Just Put Happy Birthday On The Cake”.

In my opinion though, the one I’m going to show you right meow takes the cake, pun intended.

Redditor Scaarleet uploaded a photo of a graduation cake that not only was messed up in grand fashion, but also in a way that makes anyone who sees the picture wonder how hammered the baker must have been when he took the order.

In case you haven’t realized yet, here’s what the title of the Reddit post said:

My mom ordered a graduation cake with a cap drawn on. I guess they misheard.

Moral of the story: if you ever want to have a customized cake made, be sure to write down exactly what you want, and not in cursive either, or else you might end up with a cat on your head.

 

 

Photo Credit: Reddit

Categories
Deals

This Brand Of Beef Jerky Comes With Floss In The Bag

Men and women worldwide have been struggling with beef jerky for centuries. Not when it comes to flavor or production or anything trivial like that. The issue we have is getting it stuck in our teeth. Every time I eat beef jerky, I end up looking like the Scarecrow from Batman.

Screen Shot 2016-08-01 at 5.14.04 PM

One manufacturer of beef jerky intends to change all of that.

Screen Shot 2016-08-01 at 6.00.20 PM

True Gentleman’s Jerky was founded by a couple of buddies from San Diego in 2013. They claim that they are just simple men with simple jerky, but they underestimate the gravity of their creation. These guys have changed the world by doing one simple thing: including floss with every bag of jerky.

Screen Shot 2016-08-01 at 6.00.30 PM

Screen Shot 2016-08-01 at 6.01.04 PM

Sure, it’s probably not that big of a deal for most people, but for many like myself, this is huge. I love beef jerky, and more often than not, I find myself in a situation where my mouth is adorned with jerky. Tiny threads of beef keep trying to squeeze in between my teeth like a fat guy going back to his seat in a crowded movie theater.

Granted, the entire concept of “floss in a bag of jerky” has been around for a few years now, and True Gentleman’s Jerky isn’t the only company to do it. Someone even mentioned it on Reddit nearly three years ago. Yet, for reasons unbeknownst to me, a large majority of people still never knew that this combination existed. Hell, I work at Foodbeast and not a single one of my coworkers had seen it before. Screen Shot 2016-08-01 at 5.37.25 PM

Too many times have I been forced to shove the corners of playing cards or gnawed straws into my mouth to try to remove the jerky. Hopefully other brands pick up on this trend and start following suit. It’s always in a company’s best interest to address the greatest issue the public has with their product. Even Heinz is getting in on the action by letting consumers know (FINALLY) how to get the ketchup to come out of the glass bottle.

Let’s just hope that the heavy hitters of beef jerky like Jack Link’s and Krave can hop on board this well-hidden trend.

 

 

Photo Credit: Hollywood Reporter

Categories
News

This 2-Year-Old Hosted A Tea Party For The Officer That Saved Her Life

It’s no surprise that police/citizen relations have taken a big hit lately, especially with all of the unfortunate tragedies we hear about in the news. So it should come as no surprise that the entire world stopped for this “awww” moment between a 2-year-old and the officer that saved her life.

Roughly one year ago, Rowlett Police Cpl. Patrick Ray arrived onto a potentially tragic scene. Tammy Norvell, mother of Bexley Norvell, ran into the front yard clutching her baby.

According to Inside Edition, Bexley’s lips had gone completely blue, and she wasn’t responding to anything her mother was doing, not even to getting her cheeks slapped.

Tammy even tried to pry her daughter’s mouth open, but her jaw was clenched shut, making it impossible.

Working quickly, Corporal Ray took Bexley and began doing everything he could to open the young girl’s mouth. After a moment, he was able to push whatever was in her throat downwards with his fingers. A small pop and a squeak later and Bexley was all well again.

X-rays were taken later and it was determined that little Bexley somehow managed to swallow a penny.

Tammy knew that this would be a day that her daughter would remember forever, but she wanted to make sure her daughter remembered it for the right reasons. To commemorate the day her daughter’s life was saved, Tammy commissioned a professional photographer to take pictures of Bexley and Corporal Ray (or “P-Ray” as Bexley likes to call him) enjoying a tea party together.

“I don’t have any girls myself,” said Corporal Ray, “and this was something I couldn’t resist. I just couldn’t say no.”

Doesn’t get much cuter than this, does it?

Screen Shot 2016-08-01 at 3.28.46 PM Screen Shot 2016-08-01 at 3.28.32 PM Screen Shot 2016-08-01 at 3.28.18 PM Screen Shot 2016-08-01 at 3.28.00 PM

 

 

Photo Credit: Chelle Cates Photography