Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Dying Man Asks Family to ‘Order a F*cking Pizza’ and Leave $500 Tip for Lucky Waitress

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It’s easy to get a little jaded when it comes to heartwarming pick-me-up stories, but it’s actually impossible to be cynical about anything involving five hundred dollars, one man’s generous dying wish, and command to “order a f*cking pizza.” When 30-year-old Kentucky resident Aaron Collins died, he left behind a will with a very specific request for his family. He wanted them to go out to dinner and “leave an awesome tip (and I don’t mean 25%. I mean $500 on a f*cking pizza) for a waiter or waitress.” According to his family, Aaron “was generous with the limited means he had” during his lifetime, and his awesome factor got upped by about a thousand percent when he chose waiters and waitresses to receive his generous payout  (because let’s be real, we all know that waiters and waitresses get the sh*t end of the stick when it comes to food industry shenanigans).

His family filmed themselves carrying out his dying wish and put the entire thing on YouTube, where it garnered such a reaction that thousands of people began donating money to make Aaron’s wish come true again. And again. And again. The family was able to raise over $60,000 and plans to use the money to leave $500 tips in every single one of the fifty states.  Quick recommendation: if you’re ever having a truly crappy day, do yourself a favor and watch a few of these videos back-to-back. You haven’t seen happiness until you’ve seen a minimum wage waitress in a regulation polo suddenly be gifted with $500 from well-meaning strangers, and it’s going to make you smile. Promise.

The entire collection can be found on the family’s website, and you can peep the most recent video below:

H/T + PicThx Eater

 

Categories
Technology

Watch Alcohol Destroy Your Face With ‘Drinking Mirror’ App, AKA ‘Reverse Beer Goggles’

We all know there’s a hierarchy of alcohol-related crimes. There’s your mild infractions (showing up to a BYOB party with a single Corona), your moderate offenses (mistaking a pair of shoes for a vomit bucket), and your grievous crimes (setting a cat on fire and watching it burn the house down). We didn’t think it could get worse than that, but that was before we discovered the mobile app “Drinking Mirror” which deserves its own separate category of booze-related horror. 

The deceptively simple app takes a picture of you as you look today (or yesterday, or two years ago, or whenever you took your last selfie) and asks you how much and how frequently you drink during an average week. Then it calculates how your alcohol intake will affect your face and spits out a wrinkled and sagging portrait of what you’ll look like if you don’t quit booze immediately and start chugging green tea like your life depends on it. We took a page out of Huffington Posts’ book and used the app on the Foodbeast staff . . . and then this happened.

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It is literally impossible to maintain your buzz after watching yourself morph into a sun damaged Gollum lookalike, and it’ll forever change the way you look at your favorite beer. And by “look at” we mean “stare suspiciously at as you pour it down the drain and swear off alcohol for the rest of your life.” Which, we have to say, is pretty unfair. Alcohol is supposed to make everyone more attractive, not less. See also: beer goggles.

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It’s a good thing that the entire Foodbeast staff is naturally attractive, or we might be having a crisis over our looks right now. Just maybe.

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We’ll probably never forgive Drinking Mirror for shattering our delusions of eternal youth and the restorative power of the $3 kamikaze shot . . . but we guess it’s a good thing to know that our actions have consequences, alcohol isn’t good for us, blah blah blah. Whatever. At least we know how to scare ourselves sober next time we think about taking a few mystery shots with this guy.

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“Drinking Mirror” $0.99 on iTunes

H/T HuffPo

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

TIL: The World Eats 70% More Goat Meat Than Bacon, Needs New Priorities

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We’ve always put bacon at the top of our meat hierarchy (because 100% bacon burgers, duh) and up until now we thought the rest of the world agreed with us. No other meat could really compete with the versatility, the taste, the sheer perfection of a good hunk of fried pork . . . right? Wrong. Apparently, the globe has decided to flip the bird at bacon and make way for a new champion. A bearded champion that really, really likes head butting you in the kidneys and eating your old t-shirts. Yeah, we’re talking goats. 

Turns out that goats are taking over the global meat market. This sounds pretty bizarre to those of us who are used to seeing a beef or bacon-based dish on every menu, but goats are a lot more popular in parts of the world where eating beef is a giant no-no. Goat meat is kosher and halal, meaning it fits the dietary restrictions of two major religions and is a heavyweight player in the international meat game. In fact, goat meat makes up 70% of red meat eaten worldwide. Add that to the fact that goat cheese is experiencing a rise in popularity (seriously, this stuff is on everything from pizza to cupcakes) and you’ll start to get a clearer picture of the billy-bearded domination happening.

It’s cool, though. We’re always down to embrace some solid burger diversity, and we don’t think bacon is in danger of disappearing any time soon. Until that day comes, long live the goat burger!

H/T omgfacts

Categories
Features

11 Things You Wish You Didn’t Know About Bacon

Listen, we’d all like to believe that bacon is perfect. It’s delicious, it smells  great, it’s easy to cook, and it makes every breakfast better. But bacon has been hiding some seriously dark secrets from us, and we owe it to ourselves to face the truth. Don’t worry, we’ll start off easy.

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1. You constantly need MO’ BACON

You’ve eaten all the bacon you can get your greasy little hands on . . . and you just want more. That’s because bacon possesses “umami,” the savory flavor that “elicits an addictive neurochemical response” in your grey matter. Translation: it’s the heroin of breakfast foods. And addiction has never tasted so good.

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2. It can land you in a prison cell next to a guy who calls you “Sally.”

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In Los Angeles, selling bacon-wrapped hot dogs is illegal because Los Angeles lawmakers are soulless bastards concerned for your health. The LA Health Department considers bacon to be a potentially hazardous food and vendors are forbidden to sell it from frozen food trucks . . . which is pretty awkward since the bacon-dog is “the official hot dog of LA.”

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3. It’s named after an arse.

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The word “bacon” was derived from the High German word for “buttock.” Enjoy the view, bacon fans.

PicThx nerd-in-the-country

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4. People actually use “Eau de Bacon” to freshen up.

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5. It’s a prime location for creepy crawlies that want to eat you.

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All bacon sold in the U.S. has to be treated for trichinella before it hits shelves. Trichinella is a highly contagious species of parasitic roundworm that crawls into your intestines and sucks the nutrients out of everything you eat (including bacon!). Pros: always having a bellyful of parasites to keep you company. Cons: being eaten alive from the inside by bacon-dwelling worms.

PicThnx bestabouthealth

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6. It’s full of poop and cannibalism.

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The scary thing about trichinella worms (aside from the parasitism and eventual death) is that they’re transmitted one of three ways in pork: exposure to infected wildlife (fair), feeding animals their own waste (uh . . .) or cannibalism within an infected herd. Which means pigs . . . eating other pigs . . . that are full of worms. Because pigs love bacon just as much as we do.

PicThx Sodahead

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7. Waste from pig farms gets sprayed into the air, making a nice poop-scented air freshener.

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A pig farm with 5,000 animals produces more feces than 50,000 people combined. That waste is stored in giant vats where it can leak into rivers and contaminate groundwater. A cheaper option is just spraying it into the air, which gives a whole different meaning to the phrase “shit storm.”

PicThx minionflyfishing

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8. It looks like Satan’s ear wax.

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Bacon fat congeals and turns solid at room temperature, creating your very own novelty candle full of heart disease.

PicThx Simplyrecipes

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9. This bacon-wrapped gun exists because reasons.

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Bacon. Bullets. Orange sunglasses. This is what good judgement looks like.

H/T Friedmush

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10. It’s breakfast with a side of cancer.

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And just in case you survive the bacon-wrapped machine gun, bacon will still get you. With cancer. Research from the Karolinska Institute found that eating bacon can increase your risk of developing pancreatic cancer by 19%.

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11. Basically, bacon is trying to kill you.

PicThx Imaginefx

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Now that you’re devastated and your world has shattered into a million pieces of greasy bacon crumbs . . . let us console you with . . .

 

DELICIOUS

MOUTHWATERING

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BACON

Because, let’s be real: Nothing is complete without bacon

THE END.

PicThx SnorgTees + Giphy

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Survey Says 60% of Self-Proclaimed Vegetarians Ate Meat Yesterday

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Pretty much every vegetarian has been accused of eating meat on the sly — which makes sense, since most meat eaters can’t picture life without steak (or hamburgers, or hot dogs, or bacon) and have a hard time understanding a voluntarily vegetarian lifestyle. But if you accuse a vegetarian of pounding down veal burgers during their off hours, chances are you’ll be met with some serious kale-fueled rage that’ll take a bucketful of bacon to forget. Pro tip: Next time, just skip the fuss and assume they’re lying. In fact, go ahead and assume that they ate meat yesterday. You’d probably be right. 

Let’s break down the facts, shall we? A poll conducted by CNN surveyed 10,000 Americans about their eating habits, and roughly 6% of the respondents self-identified as vegetarians. The researchers then asked individuals to describe their eating habits, and 60% of the “vegetarians” reported having eaten meat within the last twenty-four hours. Okay, that could’ve have been a fluke (or just a really, really dumb sample group). Then the U.S. Department of Agriculture conducted a similar study. This time, they telephoned approximately 13,000 Americans, and 3% claimed to be vegetarians. When they followed up a week later, 66% of the self-proclaimed veggie-lovers had eaten meat the day before.

The study speculated that the disconnect might be happening because different people have different definitions of “vegetarianism” despite the pretty obvious “no meat of any kind” definition that can be found in every dictionary and search engine. We’re just going to go ahead and call bullish*t on so-called vegetarians who claim veggie cred while sneaking fish filets under the table. Here’s the takeaway: Next time you meet a vegetarian preaching about the benefits of a flesh-free lifestyle, make sure you get up real close and personal while they’re lecturing. We’re betting their breath will smell like bacon.

H/T Psychology Today + PicThx PaleoHacks

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

The Largest Meal in the World is a Whole Camel Stuffed with a Lamb Stuffed with Chicken, AKA Foodception

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You’d think that being able to say “I just ate an entire roasted camel” would be hardcore enough to win you a permanent #1 spot in the Iron Stomach Hall of Fame. But you’d be wrong. No, turns out that just eating an entire camel is for wusses and the kind of people who still need mommy and daddy to cut their steak into nice, bite-sized pieces. If you truly want to earn the title, that camel better be stuffed with a lamb. And that lamb better be stuffed with some chickens. And those chickens absolutely must be stuffed with fish, or maybe a few dozen eggs if you’re feeling creative. Basically, you don’t come close to being a hardcore eater unless you’re a Bedouin Sheikh — because then fish within chickens within lamb within an entire freaking camel would just be your default party dish.

That’s right, folks. The nomadic Arabic group known as the Bedouin have been effortlessly dominating the Supersized Meal Game since the Guinness Book of World Records named the dish “the largest item on any menu in the world.” Everyone who thinks that the Western world has the monopoly on supersizing food has to admit that even the calorie-packed 7×7 Steakburger is a blip on this massive meal’s radar. The traditional Bedouin dish is prepared for wedding feasts and special parties, and the cooking instructions are very strict about making sure you boil the camel for the correct length of time — probably in a small jacuzzi or some kind of natural hot spring, since we’re pretty sure they don’t sell camel-sized pots at Ikea.

If your stomach isn’t hiding somewhere between your throat and the nearest trash can right now, we’re impressed — our stomachs made a break for it as soon as we got far enough into the planning process to envision stuffing an entire lamb up a camel’s butt while preparing this dish. Yeah. Just let that image marinate for a sec. Bedouin Sheikhs? We have a lot of respect for your camel munching game.

H/T Wikipedia + PicThx TIFO

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Today I Learned: Fortune Cookies Originated in Japan, Not China

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If you’re still reeling from the Crunchgate scandal, I suggest you stop reading now. Granted, this time we won’t be discussing the legitimacy of a beloved national figure . . . at least not today (we’re looking at you, Tony the Tiger).

For those of you still reading, here’s the scoop: Those obligatory fortune cookies that come with the bill at Chinese restaurants? They’re originally from Japan (left) and are distinct from the Americanized version you get at the end of your meal (right).

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As you can see, the Japanese cookie is larger and made of darker dough. The batter is made of sesame and miso, rather than vanilla and butter, making it more savory than sweet. And that signature paper slip carrying your fortune? It’s simply wedged in the bend of the cookie, instead of inside the cookie’s hollow interior.

They’ve been around since at least the 19th century

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Japanese fortune cookies have existed since at least the 19th century, quite some time before they became popular in the US.  According to this 2008 article by the NY Times, a book of stories titled Moshiogusa Kinsei Kidan contains an illustration featuring the iconic C-shaped wafers being grilled over coals. The book dates back to 1878 and the sign in the illustration reads “tsujiura senbei,” meaning “fortune crackers.”

Moreover, the cookies are depicted being made in the same way they are still prepared today in small Japanese bakeries, particularly those in Kyoto.

How did they find their way to Chinese restaurants?

Several people have claimed responsibility for inventing the Chinese version of the Japanese wafer, but we’re pretty sure that Hagiwara Makoto can take credit for the cookie culture mashup.  Makoto served the sweetened cookies at SF’s Japanese Tea Garden in 1914 and began commercially producing them after they proved to be a huge success. Fortune cookie fever hit, demand skyrocketed, and bakeries specializing in fortune cookies began selling them to both Japanese and Chinese restaurants.

Then the tiny historical speedbump known as World War II happened. Thanks to American suspicion of Japanese-American citizens, many Japanese bakery owners were sent away to internment camps for the duration of the war . . . which left Chinese restaurants as the primary supplier of fortune cookies to an increasingly demanding public. By the time the war was over and Japanese bakers returned, the paper-packed wafers were permanently associated with Chinese restaurants and the rest is fortune cookie history.

Fun fact: The only place where fortune cookies are considered decidedly un-Chinese is China. Shucks.

H/T NYTTofuguWikipedia + Pic Thx Huffpo, Dl

Categories
Restaurants

Eat Locally, Strip Globally: Canadian Strip Club Offers Quality, Locally-Sourced Menu

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Apparently, there’s only one thing that Vancouver residents love more than watching strippers work it on onstage — and that’s munching on a selection of locally-sourced Vancouver cuisine while enjoying the show. Vancouver gentleman’s club No. 5 Orange discovered the surprising overlap between local food fans and strip club aficionados when they gave their normal food selections a locally-sourced revamp earlier this year. The environmentally friendly overhaul paid off big time, and  according to CTV News, No. 5 Orange’s food-generated revenue has “more than doubled” since the changes.

Of course, credit has to be paid to the local master chef that No. 5 Orange hired to oversee the switch. Chef Stuart Irving, a longtime fan of the gentleman’s club he describes as “Cheers, but with boobs,” took painstaking care to make the menu reflect the quality service and beautiful presentation that No. 5 Orange serves on and off the pole. The new menu features a series of gourmet selections including “Satay Kabobs of either free-range chicken, double-smoked pork belly, or wild sea prawn,” which will make it pretty hard to tell if customers are drooling over the food . . . or the performers. We’re going to take a wild guess and assume that it’ll be a combination of both, and we’re hoping that strip clubs worldwide follow No. 5 Orange’s example. Eat locally, strip globally? Sounds like a plan to us.

H/T Eater + PicThx Dealbreaker