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Features

Pickle Candy Canes, White Chocolate Peppermint Pringles and 9 Other Bizarre Food Items That Should be Recalled in 2013

We’re closing in on the end of 2012- and usually this time of year calls for countdown lists galore, where we can take some time to reflect on all the wild/crazy/fun happenings of the last 12 months. So to get in the spirit, we thought we’d take some time to look back at the wackiest food items we’ve featured this year, and then promptly nominate them for a recall. Without further adieu, let the countdown of awfulness commence!

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11. Bird Crap Seasoning

I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. It’s a seasoning blend that is meant to “taste great on just about anything!” Surely, it could very well deliver on that promise; but I’d like to know what that marketing team was on when they all sat down and decided ‘Bird Crap’ would be an excellent choice for the name of a food item. Albeit, it does grab your attention, but I don’t think it’s in a good way.

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10. Sriracha Lip Balm

Okay, I realize this isn’t an entirely edible food product, but I was torn between this and Bacon Shaving Cream in the “Ridiculous Novelty Item” category. I don’t know about you, but I know when I’ve been eating something spicy (particularly hot sauce drenched meals), the first thing I do is start screaming “AHHHHHH MY LIPS ARE ON FIRE!!!”. Then I proceed to apply copious amounts of chap stick for the next 24 hours to hopefully undo the damage I’ve caused. There is no amount of Burt’s Bees that will mollify this terrible, terrible idea.

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9. Cracker Jack’d

Dear Cracker Jacks, why are you ruining my childhood? Why can’t you just stick with a good thing and leave well enough alone? I get it, it’s a cut-throat market out there, and you need to stay relevant, and blah blah blah, but seriously? A Cracker Jack snack line that contains caffeine?? For “adults only”?  WTF.  Thanks for leaving my candy-coated popcorn and peanut dreams to die.

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8. Buffalo Wing Soda

Mmmm. Nothing says refreshing thirst quencher like Buffalo Wing Soda! Who on God’s Green Post-Apocalyptic Earth would ever seriously drink this? I will never want my buffalo wings in carbonated liquid form. So please, Lester, stop making this. The bottle may say “Y’all get yer fixins,” but I think y’all need to get your heads checked.

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7. Tabasco Jelly Bellies

For a company that’s been around for over 30 years, offering over 50 flavors of jelly beans, things were bound to get weird. Boy did they ever with Tabasco flavored Jelly Bellies. You could probably only eat a few of these before wanting to pour buffalo wing soda into your eyes.

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6. My Little Pony Pasta

Hey girls, remember My Little Ponies? Remember their beautiful shiny manes that you would spend hours braiding, making them prance about, sniffing their backsides because they were often scented with magic and chocolate? (I’m probably the only one that did that.) Remember dunking them in tomato sauce and biting their heads off in a hungry lunchtime fury? Wait, what? No, that’s not right… AND NEITHER IS THIS PASTA PRODUCT.

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5. Mike’s Hard Chocolate Cherry

Oh Mike’s, we meet again. This time I’m not a sophomore in high school at an unsupervised house party pretending that I can hold liquor, when the most alcohol I had consumed at that point was in my seasonal dose of NyQuil. (Hey, don’t judge, Mike’s Hard Lemonade was a gateway drink.) Instead, it looks as though you have brought forth a “Hard Chocolate Cherry” beverage to consume this holiday season. Much like my 15 year old self, methinks sledding down a carpeted flight of stairs resulting in a sprained ankle and loss of self-respect seems like a better choice than this.

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4. Evil Hot Gummi Bears

Evil and Gummy Bears should never be in the same sentence. Imagine popping one into your mouth, expecting a burst of fruit and delight, when suddenly to your horror an onslaught of hellfire and habanero takes over. Excuse me, but that’s just rude.

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3. Pickle Candy Canes

What can I even say about this? Gather ’round kids! It’s that magical time of year, when Santa Claus comes to spread joy and give presents to good little boys and girls! Nothing says good tidings and cheer like a dill and peppermint hook of terror. Surprise, and Merry Christmas!

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2. Seasonal flavored Pringles

October through December is generally a time for seasonal flavored everything, and Pringles brand is not one to be left behind. Behold! Seasonal flavored Pringles! Don’t be confused, these are not pumpkin/chocolate/cinnamon treats shaped in the iconic form of a Pringle. Oh no, these are ACTUAL potato Pringles sprinkled with the aforementioned flavor combinations. I think I just threw up a little. I’m looking at you, White Chocolate Peppermint.

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1. Flavored Vodka

Listen, I get it- flavored vodka is not a shocking new idea that suddenly appeared this year. Hell, I would never have made it through 2007 without heavy doses of vanilla vodka and Coca Cola, but I think things are getting out of hand here. Suddenly I’m combating the likes of waffle, whipped cream, birthday cake, popcorn, and for the love of all things holy, wasabi-flavored vodkas. Why? Why are we allowing such abominations? What happened to chewing our curious confections? Why are we now guzzling them down with reckless abandon, because Amber Rose tells us so? NO! I say we take a stand and say no to absurdly flavored vodkas in 2013.

Unless of course, you want to make me birthday cake Jello shots.

So kids, that wraps up the 11 food items that should be recalled in 2013. But wait — didn’t we just survive an apocalypse folks? If there’s one thing we learned it’s #YOLO 4lyfe and what the heck, might as well give those White Chocolate Peppermint Pringles a try, right? Right?

Categories
Sweets

Try This Cavity-Defying Duo — Cotton Candy Fudge

With the passing of Thanksgiving, the season of eating is now in full swing more than ever. The holidays are the perfect excuse for indulging in all of your food-filled fantasies, and this Cotton Candy Fudge is no exception.  So what says indulgence more than fudge? Not much, unless you add the sickeningly sweet childhood favorite flavor of cotton candy, of course! This frosting and white chocolate based concoction will be sure to make your tastebuds dance, and your dentist cringe, but who cares? Christmas comes but once a year!

Via The Cereal Baker

 

Categories
Sweets

Score Points With This Pac-Man Cheesecake

One of the most iconic 80’s arcade games was Pac-Man, without question. With the release of movies like “Wreck-it Ralph”, old school video games have had a complete resurgence in today’s pop culture. So why not make yourself super relevant with this easy-to-create Pac-Man inspired cheesecake? Seems pretty self-explanatory, make (hell, even buy one) cheesecake, cut slice out, add tiny chocolate eye. Although the idea doesn’t require you to be Julia Childs, you will probably get a good laugh out of your friends with this one. I guess it could be just as easy to wear a Pac-Man t-shirt, but that’s not as clever, now is it?

Photo Courtesy Incredible Things

 

Categories
Recipes

Thanksgiving Panic? Beer Cheese Balls, Turkey Cocktails & More for the Last-Minute Chef

last-minute-thanksgiving-recipe-ideas

If you’re like me, then you’re a 20-something adult trying to hold onto your kid status for as long as you can — when in reality, you’re closer to 30 and people actually expect you to contribute to holiday meals now. If you’re really like me, then you tend to procrastinate until the last possible second, until you realize you’re screwed. Hey, I feel your pain. Don’t stress though, I’ve gone ahead and compiled a few recipes to compliment any turkey dinner (unless someone put you in charge of cooking the turkey, then forget it). Bonus points — in 15 minutes or less, these yummy creations will make you look like you actually took the time to care!

 

1. Cheddar, Bacon, and  Beer Cheese Ball — You’ve been given a gift, and it’s called, “Just bring an appetizer!” The appetizer has to be the least intimidating dish to create, and you’ll be out the door in no time if you have the following ingredients: cream cheese, beer, cheddar, and bacon. If you ever cook breakfast, make microwave nachos, or are just plain human, you’ll probably have all of these things. Beat and stir everything in a bowl, throw in a few extra things to spice it up, then form a ball, cover it in crisp bacon and refrigerate for as long as you can manage so that the ball retains it’s shape. DONEZO.

 

2. Skillet Scalloped Corn — I know- it sounds kinda fancy, but that’s because I like to be tricky. For this side dish, main ingredients include: crackers (which you should probably have to go with that awesome cheese ball you just made), canned corn, peppers, and Swiss cheese. Grab a skillet, throw in a little milk and the other ingredients until the cheese melts, and top with browned cracker crumbs. Ermahgerd, you’re Wolfgang Puck.

 

3. Lazy Pumpkin Pie — Time to get your fat pants on, it’s the dessert round! I realize that at this time of year, pumpkin pie might be a bit overdone. When the recipe is this simple though, how could you not want to make it? What you’ll need: one can of pumpkin pie mix, instant vanilla pudding mix, Cool Whip, graham cracker crust. Seriously, that’s it. Mix it all up, fold in the Cool Whip, and POW- instant pie y’all. Stick in the fridge for later, or eat it with a spatula now. You know I don’t judge.

 

4. Pass the Turkey Cocktail — Okay, so this might be taking the easy way out, but if you’re really pressed for time, no one hates the guy that brings the booze! Combine bourbon, apple cider, and cranberry jelly, steal some thyme or sage from the turkey for garnish and you may as well start dressing like an old-timey hipster mixologist. Serve up a whole pitcher of this stuff and watch your great aunt get wasted. Presto- best holiday ever! You can thank me later.

thanksgiving-cocktail

 

Categories
Deals

Top 11 Thanksgiving Restaurant Dinner Deals

Rejoice! Thanksgiving (the greatest eating holiday of the year) is quickly approaching, so it’s time to get your dinner plans in order. There may be a good chance you are a part of the population that prefers eating rather than preparing, and that’s okay. It’s understandable that not everyone feels like channeling their inner Martha and whipping up a five course meal. Don’t really want to make the trip over the river and through the woods to grandma’s house? Hey, that’s cool too, because we’ve got you covered. Make your life easy and stop by one of the following restaurants for your Turkey Day hookup.

(Make sure to check company website for full details)

1. Boston Market — Open for dining in or take-out, full Thanksgiving meal includes a piece of pie.

 

2. Cracker Barrel —  Open at 11am, serving a special Thanksgiving menu, starting at at $8.99 for adults and $4.69 for kids.

 

3. Denny’s — Open all day every day of the year, and Thanksgiving is no exception. Serving a special holiday meal, as well as their regular offerings.

 

4. Golden Corral — Offering a Thanksgiving Day Buffet for $12.99. Check for participating restaurants.

 

5. Legal Seafoods — Serving a traditional turkey, or seafood dinner. $21.95 for adults, $7.95 for kids.

 

6. Maggiano’s — Serving a three course Thanksgiving meal. $36.95 for adults, $17.95 for kids.

 

7. McCormick & Schmick’s — Turkey dinner menu, $22.95 per person.

 

8. Popeye’s — Offering it’s annual ‘Cajun Turkey’ (9-11lbs) for $39.95 at participating restaurants.

 

9. Ruth’s Chris –Serving a Southern-inspired Thanksgiving meal. $35.95/$36.95 for adults, $12.95 for kids.

 

10. Sizzler — Serving a full Thanksgiving dinner at participating locations.

 

11. TGI Friday’s — Open on Thanksgiving afternoon hosting football watching parties featuring game-day menus and half-priced appetizers at the bar.

 

Feature Photo via NYT

Categories
Cravings

The Nutella Tax Got You Down? Make This Homemade Nutella Recipe for Cheap

If you live in France, or are deeply invested in the foreign affairs of Nutella, you may have heard that a recent bill was passed that would heavily tax palm oil. As a result, this would increase the cost of Nutella (as it is made up of 20% palm oil) for our French friends. Luckily for the U.S., this doesn’t really affect sales here … but you never know what could happen.

So, if you want to avoid a future Nutellapocalypse- check out this tasty recipe to make your own chocolate hazelnut spread at home, and avoid the pricy cost of the pre-made stuff.

All that’s required are some hazelnuts (ah duh), chocolate, vegetable oil, cocoa powder, confectioner’s sugar, vanilla extract, and a lot of time on your hands.

Bake and chop the hazelnuts, melt some chocolate, combine together with the other ingredients- and voila! It’s a lot easier than you think, so start stocking up on jars, or just get a little weird and smear it all over yourself at your leisure.

Want to get crackin’? Check out the full recipe here.

 

Merci HuffPo

 

Categories
Packaged Food

Heinz Spices it Up With New Jalapeño Ketchup

Heinz Company is kicking off Cyber Monday this year with an exciting new ketchup flavor and Facebook promotion. Starting in January of 2013, Heinz will be offering a jalapeño-flavored version of their classic tomato variety. Can’t wait that long? Don’t worry, if you’re a Heinz Facebook fan, you can get your fix early. According to a recent press release, you  can celebrate the “12 Days of Jalapeño Ketchup,” by purchasing the curious condiment exclusively through Facebook starting November 26-December 7.

Although jalapeño-infused condiments aren’t necessarily a groundbreaking idea, this will be a nice addition to the Heinz ketchup family, alongside of its current “Heinz Hot & Spicy Ketchup,” which features Tabasco sauce.

So hit up Facebook next week to be the first in line to get your hands on a bit of this spicy delight. 14 oz. glass bottles will be sold for $4.99 (including shipping), and if you order between two and five bottles, you get one free! Not a bad idea to stock up for the year, or give away a few during your office Secret Santa exchange.

Bonus: If you order between 5 a.m. EST on November 26 and 3 a.m. EST on November 27, you could be one of 350 lucky winners to get a free Heinz holiday ornament! It’s the little things in life.

via 4-traders

Categories
Technology

Resuscitate Your Breakfast With This Defibrillator Toaster

Who says breakfast can’t be exciting? I can’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday morning than shocking your bread back to life– it’s fun for the whole family! It seems straight forward enough: place a slice in each tray, select your toasting level, apply pressure and BAM, all clear! If you look closely, you can see the heart rate imprint that will be left on your flat-lining toast.

Sadly, this toaster is only a concept developed by Shay Carmon, the creator of other bizarre ideas such as the ‘two leg table’, and the ‘leaning chair’. Hopefully some day soon it will appear on the shelves, and you can finally fulfill your parent’s dream of becoming a cardiac surgeon. Well, close enough.

via Incredible Things