Categories
Humor

What Being a Burger on Tinder Taught Me About Men

tinder-burger

This story was originally written by Anonymous for 7Deadly

It should come as no surprise that a Tinder Perfect 10 is a double patty with bacon. In less than three days, over 1,000 men in the Orange County area right-swiped on my Tinder profile featuring a burger named “Patty” before the profile was shut down. Meet Patty, the juicy burger I created that had men sexting up a storm.

bt-3

 

bt-2

The inspiration for my Tinder alterego came after having putting up with a constant stream of uninvited proposals on my personal account. I started to think — does it actually matter if I’m a hot 20-something girl, or will guys sext with anything? Turns out, they will. After filtering through hundreds of messages, I picked out 25 of my personal faves. It’s up to you to decide who is trolling, who has the munchies, and who is looking for love in all the wrong right places.

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The Opportunist

bt-4

That’s right, people. I got numbers. As a burger.

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The Stage 5 Clinger

bt-5

 

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The Connoisseur

bt-6

Aw, you fancy huh?

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The Ketchup Guy

bt-7

 

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The Soulmate

bt-8

Too good to be true.

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The Guy Who Missed the Point

bt-9

Try Google Images.

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The Thirsty Guy

bt-10

I hate to say this Rami, but you might want to expand your horizons given the kind of game you got…

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The Scientist

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Oh Matthew, do me like your homework.

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“Dark Meat”

bt-12

 

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The Vegetarian

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After this, he proceeded to try to talk to me about my feelings.

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The Poet

bt-14

“Wet lettuce.” Also, I just threw up a little bit.

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The Cheater

bt-15

We’re done.

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The Keeper

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Matty, I swiped the seven seas for you.

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The Nice Guy

bt-17

Yeah, you surpassed the previous low, which was right-swiping on a burger.

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The Quiet One

bt-18

 

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The Biter

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Okay Hannibal, slow down.

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The Funny Guy

bt-20

Or should I say, the punny guy.

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The One Who’s Been Around

bt-21

Man, what is it with dudes and redheads?

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That 90s Baby

bt-22

 

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The One Who Can’t Spell

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The Role Player

bt-24

 

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The Artist

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Picasso would be proud.

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The One That Blows Up Your Phone

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The Kinky One

bt-30

#doggystyle

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The Existentialist

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Well, that kind of put a damper on things.

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Hope you enjoyed my burger sextcapades. See you on the flip-side… of the grill. Or on Tinder. Next up, Pinky the Taco. #swiperight.

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Check out mo’ 7Deadly

How to Make Weed Cheez-Its, aka ‘Weez-Its’

Edible Cannabis Lube Will Get Your Vagina High

How to Make Weed Vodka, aka ‘Green Dragon’

Categories
Recipes

GREEN DRAGON: How to Make Weed Vodka At Home

weed-vodka

Disclaimer: This recipe is intended for educational/entertainment purposes only. We’d also like to kindly remind you that any marijuana purchased and consumed should be done legally and is consumed at your own risk.

The Green Dragon ranks as one of the more elusive DIY methods of getting high. The cannabis tincture is a simple enough concept but the methods of creating this weed vodka varies depending on who you ask.

From throwing stems into a half-full bottle of Smirnoff and letting it soak for a few weeks to speeding up the process by heating it in an oven, the recipe for Green Dragon depends on who’s making it. Looking to find the most straightforward, stoner-friendly recipe, we went with the soak-and-wait route.

For the extract, use an alcohol that’s at least 60 proof — Bacardi, Smirnoff, etc. We went for Everclear at 151 proof . When your tincture is ready, it should be pretty potent. You can either use an eye dropper and place one or two drops under you tongue or in a drink. The high should kick in after 1 hour and last for 7 hours.

We suggest enjoying Green Dragon with a healthy dose of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. But hey, we aren’t your mamas, you do you boo.

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Green Dragon

You’ll need:

  • Everclear
  • Shake
  • Sealable Glass Jar

everclear-weed

 

Empty the shake into the jar.

weed-shake

 

Pour in Everclear to the top of the shake or just above it, depending on how strong you want it.

Protip: for a strong tincture, go 50/50 on the Everclear to shake ratio.

IMG_7479RS

 

Shake it vigorously for a minute.

maryjane-recipe

 

Store in a cool, dark place. Continue shaking it once a day for a month.

storing-maryjane

 

By the end of the month, the Everclear should have a brown to dark purplish color.

IMG_8842RS

 

Strain out the shake. While a cheese cloth is usually recommended, we like using cocktail strainers since it slips right over the jar’s mouth.

strain-shake

 

You can store your Green Dragon back into it’s original container or portion it out in mini jars for convenience.

kush-drink

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Check out more stoner recipes at 7Deadly:

How to Make a Pipe Out of Starburst

Nutella Pot S’mores in 5 Minutes

 Weed Fruity Pebbles Krispies

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Purple Marijuana Sizzurp Hits LA Market, Swaps Codeine for THC

actabliss

Want some purple cocktail but feelin’ Diet Coke-ish tonight? Well, now you can get slizzard with marijuana-infused sizzurp. Justin Bieber, it’s your lucky day: Grape Syzurp with cannabinoids now exists.

The founder of Actabliss, aka the Actaboss, introduced a healthy alternative to the “purple drank,” LA Weekly reports. The marijuana syrup essentially removes the potent prescription-strength promethazine and codeine ingredients, while promising the euphoric feeling through the infusion of THC and cannabinoids. Oh, and it’s still purple and gooey.

The original sizzurp concoction consists of promethazine, codeine syrup and sugary sodas served in a classy styrofoam cup. The codeine is typically used in pain meds, and promethazine functions as a sedative. Lean has a notorious reputation in the music industry, as it’s been linked to the death of Pimp C, multiple hospital visits by Lil Wayne, and, Canada’s mistake, Bieber.

Actabliss, based in San Diego, gave free samples on 4/20 (boom) and opened up the market to LA customers for $45 for a 2 oz bottle. Now does it work? Actabliss reportedly stated that the grape syzurp gives that euphoric high for up to 10 hours.

Actaboss tells LA Weekly:

After Actavis [the maker of the prescription promethazine codeine syrup popular with rappers] said they were pulling their stuff from the market, I came up with the concept of taking their label and using it.

I touted it as a healthy alternative to lean. A lot of people who say they want to stop drinking lean are purchasing it. A whole group of people realize it’s good medicine and it works for them.

So are we getting healthy, er,  slizzard tonight?

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Story by Rocelyn Gallito

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