Ham Is Expensive This Year Because Our Pigs Are Way Too Fat


Well, we’ve done it. Even our pigs are too fat.

Millions of piglets fell victim to some fatal diarrhea (no, really) earlier this year causing American farmers to overfeed their surviving pigs. Now, the hind legs are too succulent to make the coveted 7-pound spiral-cut half ham.

A heavier ham would taste the same, but holiday ham fascists have driven up the cost. With lean 7-pound half hams in high demand and 5.2 percent fewer pigs, October retail prices reached as high as a record $3.43 per pound, according to Bloomberg.

If you’re thinking about substituting ham this year, don’t; this weight crisis also raised the prices of other meats.

Luckily, this news means that Weight Watchers drop-out pigs have created a greater supply of pork bellies. Even though you’ll spend double on ham, you can wrap whatever you want with considerably cheaper bacon.

Or you could make a spiral-cut ham sculpture with bacon.

By J. Fergus

J. is an overbearing pizza snob who loves putting as much sugar as possible in cupcakes and coffee. They eagerly awaits diabetes.

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