#foodbeast FOODBEAST Hit-Or-Miss Humor

8 Things Without Nipples That Can Be ‘Milked’

Just when you thought life couldn’t get any stranger, it seems that milk no longer has to come from a nipple these days. That’s right—ever since the escalating mainstream popularity of soy in the late 1990s/early 2000s, plant-based and non-nipple-produced milks alike have become somewhat of a norm.

It’s possible they’re even more popular than classic dairy milk. Let’s take a closer look at all of the products than can yield milk, sans nipples.



Nuts are often a go-to, regarding plant-based milks. The most commonly “milked” nuts are almond and cashew. Many nut-milk enthusiasts will even try their own almond and cashew milk recipes at home. Additionally, hazelnuts, peanuts, walnuts, and macadamias are milked as well.



Barley, oat, rice, and spelt are all popular grains used to yield milk. Additionally, they all make great sources of fiber. Check out this grain milk recipe if you’re seeking to create milk out of another grain!



Seeds are another choice milking product because of their generous amounts of nutrients. Popular variations included chia, flax, hemp, quinoa, sesame, and sunflower seed milk.



Besides the obvious soy milk, lupin, peas, and other beans are often converted to milks due to their high levels of proteins.



I could only find two legitimate-looking types of fruit milks, and they were banana milk, and the oh-so-popular coconut milk, obviously. But that doesn’t necessarily mean other fruits are incapable of producing milk. It just means we haven’t tried it yet. Or, you know, we’re too busy using them for juices and smoothies.



Apparently you can even “milk” milk itself. Ever heard of milk kefir? It’s essentially regular milk fermented with kefir grains.



Technically, you can’t exactly “milk” a Peep (yet), but wouldn’t you be willing to try out this Peep-flavored milk? Try anything once.



More of a work in progress, but San Francisco-based company Solazyme, a leading innovator in microalgae, is on the verge of producing a milk with a microalgae flour base. It will be dairy, lactose, soy, and nut free.

By Molly Shannon

Molly is the original krill queen and co-founder of the Boba Belt. She fancies a mean ramen burger, and a cold glass of nonfat milk.

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