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5 Basic Bitch Foods Turned Artisanal

In what are presumably auditions for “Pimp My Lunch,” hipster entrepreneurs across the country have been taking beloved food staples and tricking them out. Grab a Mason jar and make sure you abbreviate company in your official name:

Empire Mayonnaise Co. (Brooklyn, NY)

Courtesy of Robyn Lee/Serious Eats

Empire Mayonnaise Co. opened to the public three years ago touting small-batch mayonnaise and is somehow still open. Chef Sam Mason and designer Elizabeth Valleau run the small storefront in Prospect Heights, but also create batches for their webstore and several vendors, including select Whole Foods. You’re probably laughing while buying their baconnaise.

Jacobsen Salt Co. (Portland, OR)

Courtesy of Cargo Collective

Ben Jacobsen has been reimagining the most basic bitch in everyone’s diet: salt. His storefront, newly nestled in Portland’s Artisan Corner, looks a bit like a skit out of Portlandia.

Mustard and Co. (Seattle, WA)

Courtesy of Many Kitchens

When Justin Hoffman met Bryan Mitchiner, his DIY mustard transformed from a hobby into a business. Though the company’s barely been open a year, a laundry list of Washington vendors carry their product.

Little Freshie (Kansas City, MO)

Courtesy of Fillamental

Proof that Kansas City is getting hipper by the second, Little Freshie has been making specialty snow cones for more than two years. Their store has expanded into an espresso bar/cafe, but the focus remains on the snow cones.

Meiji Tofu (Gardena, CA)

Courtesy of LA Weekly

Family-run Meiji Tofu mostly supplies tofu to local markets, but keeps short hours throughout the week. Their menu is pretty small, but they rotate specials regularly.

Honorable Mention: Daneson (Ontario, Canada)

Courtesy of Catherine Renee Dimalla/Piquant Blog

This small Canadian company has taken to infusing birch toothpicks with everything from lemon to single malt scotch. You know, in case you want to treat yourself to some artis-oral hygiene.

By J. Fergus

J. is an overbearing pizza snob who loves putting as much sugar as possible in cupcakes and coffee. They eagerly awaits diabetes.

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