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4 Drinks That Can Turn Your Independence Day Party Into a Sh*t Show, Real Fast

Wooo! America! Time to pound some more alcohol! Give me another shot! Let’s drop a deuce on your neighbor’s back porch!

Admit it. You’ve heard some variation of the above, and as much as you hate to agree with it, it’s true. You’re at a really awesome 4th of July barbecue (maybe even your own), and things get really bad, really fast.

This post is dedicated to four drinks that are guaranteed to ruin your entire day, either by means of drinking way too much, or because of serious 3rd degree burns from a BBQ grill that floats on water.

Without further ado, I present the fantastic four game-enders at any party:

1. Four Loko’s New Coconut, Peach and Strawberry Lemonade Flavors

Just recently, Four Loko released three brand new flavors. And even more recently, some idiot (maybe you) decides to bring Four Loko to a party because, “Hey, what better way to get drunk on Independence Day than with a can of Four Loko?”

Wrong. You know the drill, you and your buddies start off sipping one can, even though you all think it tastes utterly disgusting. Then, you drink another because of how drunk you’re starting to feel, and then you trick another unassuming friend into having some. Although there may be no caffeine or stimulants since the man cracked down on the drink’s ingredients, things can go south pretty fast with just one or two of these. Or eight.

2. Lime-A-Rita — Bud Light’s Take on Margarita

As gross as it may seem, I’ve heard first hand reports that Bud Light’s Lime-A-Rita doesn’t taste that bad. And that, my friends, is another reason why this drink could be a party ender this Fourth of July.

In case you’re wondering what it is (or can’t tell from the photo), the Lime-A-Rita is Bud Light’s take on infusing the flavors of an ‘authentic margarita with a refreshing splash of Bud Light Lime.’

Since the drink doesn’t taste too bad, you’ve got everyone from your 22-year-old brother to your 82-year-old grandma to shotgunning these cans. But! (A big but, here) Since the drink resembles a beer taste and is carbonated, there’s a big chance drinkers will feel sick way before they feel drunk.

3. Kahlua Introduces Cans-To-Go

Kahlua tastes good. Kahlua also contains alcohol. When you put the delicious taste of Kahlua into a handheld can, casual, not-so-hardcore drinkers can get drunk pretty fast after they’ve realized how many cans they’ve gone through. Kudos to you, Kahlua, you’ve created a little monster. Kudos.

4. Really, Really Delicious Marshmallow and Whipped Cream-flavored Vodka

Knowing this from first hand reports in the office, SMIRNOFF Whipped Cream and Fluffed Marshmallow Flavored Vodka is delicious. Dangerously delicious, almost. The vodka tastes like a liquid cupcake, if you may. Even with the strongest taste buds, finding the taste of alcohol in this line of vodka is what deems it so deliciously evil.

Not too far back, we even dedicated a video that showcases a night out on the town with some of the FOODBEAST staff, with a little bit of SMIRNOFF pre-gaming action. See for yourselves just what I mean by dangerously evil and delicious:

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On a final note, we at FOODBEAST want to make sure you’re all drinking safely and responsibly. Be careful if you’re driving on the Fourth of July, and be sure to have a designated driver if you decide to go out and drink.

Happy Independence Day, everybody!

By Patrick Khensovan

Patrick Khensovan is a full-time Computer Science student at CSULB and extreme coffee addict. His favorite food groups include fried chicken, burgers, pizza, and ice cream.

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