By now, you’ve probably heard about that insane media meltdown by Amy and Samy Bouzaglo of Amy’s Baking Company Bakery Boutique & Bistro, a restaurant in Scottsdale, Arizona. You know, the delusional husband and wife duo who caused Gordon Ramsay to walk off set during a taping of Kitchen Nightmares.
If you haven’t, here’s a quick recap: After the KN episode aired last Friday, the couple received an outpour of internet criticism for their outlandish behavior towards their customers and employees. As Yelpers and Redditors put Amy and Samy on blast for all the internet to see, the couple took to the restaurant’s Facebook page to defend themselves.
To put it lightly, things escalated from zero to posting “FUCK REDDITS, FUCK YELP AND FUCK ALL OF YOU. BRING IT. WE WILL FIGHT BACK.” It was a magnificent social media hotmess. It was an unbridled and impressive use of caps lock. Yet in the end, Amy and Samy’s desperate attempt to save face failed miserably.
Which brings us to our handy list of “8 Ways to Lose Friends & Ruin Your Restaurant.” In case you ever want to crash and burn your joint in an extraordinary flame of internet fury, just take a page from the Bouzaglos:
1. After verbally and physically threatening a customer, make sure to demand they still pay for their uneaten pizza. It’s a simple courtesy and if they refuse, ring up the popo for help. That, or call said customer a “weenie.”
Watch from 5:00 to 6:23
2. When the moment’s right, tell Gordon Ramsay to F*ck Off on national television
3. Make sure the public knows that your food is just as good as Walmart’s
4. Try to play Reddit God. Remember, ALL CAPS
5. Do a really bad job at stealing other bakeries’ stock photos
6. Serve delicious ravioli to a 3-time felon, then chase him out of your restaurant with a knife
7. Impersonate a cat